Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
