D3 body, D1 cock
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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