i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
