Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
