how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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