So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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