Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my being single is dangerous.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
