What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
