dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
