That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize