So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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