I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
