well you can't waste a boner
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
