ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize