puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
