this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
