im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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