I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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