Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
