Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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