Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
