its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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