mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
