There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
