How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
