Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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