The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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