Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
