Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
