He had one of those small greek statue penises
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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