Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's just like the Real World with babies
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
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Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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