4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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