I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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