woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the day after is always just damage control
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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