This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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