I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
