All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
