so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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