We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
