My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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