i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
