I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
