When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
