i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
