"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
