I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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