Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
