What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
