so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
