he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
