yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
