Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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