today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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