he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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