Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
