I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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