whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
