She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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