laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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