i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
