Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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