sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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