Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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