god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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