oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
