All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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