If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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