I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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