Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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