I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
