so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
