Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
