the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
