he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
