the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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