I met the friendliest cop last night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
