this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
