I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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