Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
