well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
