I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
