Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
