I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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